The Bully Bucket

Bullying is a problem that has been around for a long time but seems to be getting a lot worse, especially now that Social Media is so popular. Education is key in matters like this. I wanted to do an activity with our son, to talk about bullying. I grabbed a bag of rocks and a bucket from the Dollar Tree. 

My son has already dealt with bullying at the age of 4 (he's five now). The last base we were stationed at, he made a friend that was a year older than him. Things were great, they got along great. His Mom and I became friends, we met at the park everyday and let the boys play...all was fine. And then like the flip of a switch, her son started treating Ronnie...well, not nicely. This is only one of the things he would do to Ronnie. He would constantly run off from Ronnie. And at first Ronnie thought it was a game of chase, then Ronnie would become really upset and start crying. He just wanted to play and didn't understand why :blank: kept running away from him. It was as if :blank: found it funny to make Ronnie cry. He would stop running and say "here I am Ronnie, come on" and Ronnie would assume :blank: was done and they could play now. Once Ronnie started to run towards him, :blank: would run off laughing and then Ronnie would start crying again. As a Mother, it angered me to see him hurt my child. Anytime their other friends were at the park with them, :blank: would tell the other kids "Let's run from Ronnie" and they would. The Mom's would tell the kids to stop and would go right back to chit chatting and the continued behavior would go unnoticed and unaddressed. It got to the point that I would stop joining in on conversation and would just sit there and watch the kids. My husband would walk around the park while the kids played and would step in and say something when they weren't being nice. You may be asking, why didn't you just talk to the Mother, especially if you were friends? Oh, I did. She would "assure" me, "I talk to :blank: about not treating Ronnie that way, I just don't know what's gotten into him. He just doesn't understand why Ronnie gets so upset." Well, Ronnie is Autistic, and he takes things very literal. So when :blank: would say ":Blah blah: isn't your friend anymore, he's mine," he literally took that to mean, :blank: took his friend away. He didn't fully understand he was just saying something hateful. He takes things to heart. At the time he couldn't really communicate all of his feelings. To him, he was trying to play and didn't comprehend why they wouldn't play with him. As a Mother, all of this was heartbreaking. It got to the point that we would avoid going to the park when :blank: was there. We would go to a different park, or go to that park as long as :blank: wasn't there. Now, we didn't completely isolate him away from the kids. As long as :blank: wasn't there, all the other kids, including Ronnie got along great, there was no running away from Ronnie. They all played great together. Ultimately, my friendship with the Mother and other Mother's ended, they all stuck together. At first it was fine with the other Mother's. But then they started doing stuff together with their kids and we weren't invited due to the falling out with :blanks: Mom and myself, so...oh well. My child will always be more important than my friendships. So honestly, there is no loss there. 

Some of things we have written on the rocks, are things that have been said or done to Ronnie. I asked him what are some things that :blank: said that made you feel sad or hurt your feelings, or what are some things :blank: did that wasn't okay? He would tell me and I wrote them down. We only wrote on about 8 rocks or so, but used the whole bag of rocks for the activity. We discussed each rock and how it made Ronnie feel when that was said or done, or how it might make someone else feel if it was done to them and then he put the rock in the bucket. You don't realize really just :how much: of an impact behavior like I've mentioned can impact your child/children. This has been well over a year ago and Ronnie still talks about it like it happened yesterday. He will randomly bring :blank: up and the things he would say/do to him. It hurts me to know that it still bothers Ronnie. Doing this activity was a little bit emotional for Ronnie, after talking about all of this...he needed to take a break. I teach Ronnie to pray for those who hurt us and the days that :blank: is on Ronnie's mind, he will. He prays for him when we go to bed. And it is my prayer that Ronnie never has to be in a situation like that again.

Gotta love that blurry hand in motion. He's too fast for my camera, what can I say? :)

The point of this activity is to show how heavy the bucket is. Hold the bucket for a little bit, walk around with it. Imagine that bucket of rocks is much like the words that one may carry around with them. Words/actions that have been said/done to them, eventually that person starts to feel heavy, sad, angry etc. Ronnie is only five and doesn't fully understand the concept. He did blow me away when he asked "why did :blank: control?" I asked him what he meant. He said "well he would control the other kids to run away from me." That wasn't something we covered in our conversation, so the fact that he put that together himself, pretty amazing. He did also later recognized that the heaviness of the bucket stood for the sadness someone who is being bullied might feel.

There is no age limit for bullying, children/teen/adults....we've all experienced bullying at some point in our lives. And if you haven't, that's really great to hear! I personally believe that bullying is something every parent should discuss with their kid/kids because it starts there. Either your child or someone your child/children knows will be bullied. Talk to them about how to handle the situation, even if they see someone else being bullied. Their friend may be too scared to speak up or ask for help. If we educate them on bullying, appropriate/inappropriate behavior, this is how they will learn. I think it all goes back to this,  

Do to others as you would have them do to you. 
Luke 6:31

I hope this activity inspires you to talk to your child/children about bullying. Education is key and it starts at home! God Bless!