The Bully Bucket

Bullying is a problem that has been around for a long time but seems to be getting a lot worse, especially now that Social Media is so popular. Education is key in matters like this. I wanted to do an activity with our son, to talk about bullying. I grabbed a bag of rocks and a bucket from the Dollar Tree. 

My son has already dealt with bullying at the age of 4 (he's five now). The last base we were stationed at, he made a friend that was a year older than him. Things were great, they got along great. His Mom and I became friends, we met at the park everyday and let the boys play...all was fine. And then like the flip of a switch, her son started treating Ronnie...well, not nicely. This is only one of the things he would do to Ronnie. He would constantly run off from Ronnie. And at first Ronnie thought it was a game of chase, then Ronnie would become really upset and start crying. He just wanted to play and didn't understand why :blank: kept running away from him. It was as if :blank: found it funny to make Ronnie cry. He would stop running and say "here I am Ronnie, come on" and Ronnie would assume :blank: was done and they could play now. Once Ronnie started to run towards him, :blank: would run off laughing and then Ronnie would start crying again. As a Mother, it angered me to see him hurt my child. Anytime their other friends were at the park with them, :blank: would tell the other kids "Let's run from Ronnie" and they would. The Mom's would tell the kids to stop and would go right back to chit chatting and the continued behavior would go unnoticed and unaddressed. It got to the point that I would stop joining in on conversation and would just sit there and watch the kids. My husband would walk around the park while the kids played and would step in and say something when they weren't being nice. You may be asking, why didn't you just talk to the Mother, especially if you were friends? Oh, I did. She would "assure" me, "I talk to :blank: about not treating Ronnie that way, I just don't know what's gotten into him. He just doesn't understand why Ronnie gets so upset." Well, Ronnie is Autistic, and he takes things very literal. So when :blank: would say ":Blah blah: isn't your friend anymore, he's mine," he literally took that to mean, :blank: took his friend away. He didn't fully understand he was just saying something hateful. He takes things to heart. At the time he couldn't really communicate all of his feelings. To him, he was trying to play and didn't comprehend why they wouldn't play with him. As a Mother, all of this was heartbreaking. It got to the point that we would avoid going to the park when :blank: was there. We would go to a different park, or go to that park as long as :blank: wasn't there. Now, we didn't completely isolate him away from the kids. As long as :blank: wasn't there, all the other kids, including Ronnie got along great, there was no running away from Ronnie. They all played great together. Ultimately, my friendship with the Mother and other Mother's ended, they all stuck together. At first it was fine with the other Mother's. But then they started doing stuff together with their kids and we weren't invited due to the falling out with :blanks: Mom and myself, so...oh well. My child will always be more important than my friendships. So honestly, there is no loss there. 

Some of things we have written on the rocks, are things that have been said or done to Ronnie. I asked him what are some things that :blank: said that made you feel sad or hurt your feelings, or what are some things :blank: did that wasn't okay? He would tell me and I wrote them down. We only wrote on about 8 rocks or so, but used the whole bag of rocks for the activity. We discussed each rock and how it made Ronnie feel when that was said or done, or how it might make someone else feel if it was done to them and then he put the rock in the bucket. You don't realize really just :how much: of an impact behavior like I've mentioned can impact your child/children. This has been well over a year ago and Ronnie still talks about it like it happened yesterday. He will randomly bring :blank: up and the things he would say/do to him. It hurts me to know that it still bothers Ronnie. Doing this activity was a little bit emotional for Ronnie, after talking about all of this...he needed to take a break. I teach Ronnie to pray for those who hurt us and the days that :blank: is on Ronnie's mind, he will. He prays for him when we go to bed. And it is my prayer that Ronnie never has to be in a situation like that again.

Gotta love that blurry hand in motion. He's too fast for my camera, what can I say? :)

The point of this activity is to show how heavy the bucket is. Hold the bucket for a little bit, walk around with it. Imagine that bucket of rocks is much like the words that one may carry around with them. Words/actions that have been said/done to them, eventually that person starts to feel heavy, sad, angry etc. Ronnie is only five and doesn't fully understand the concept. He did blow me away when he asked "why did :blank: control?" I asked him what he meant. He said "well he would control the other kids to run away from me." That wasn't something we covered in our conversation, so the fact that he put that together himself, pretty amazing. He did also later recognized that the heaviness of the bucket stood for the sadness someone who is being bullied might feel.

There is no age limit for bullying, children/teen/adults....we've all experienced bullying at some point in our lives. And if you haven't, that's really great to hear! I personally believe that bullying is something every parent should discuss with their kid/kids because it starts there. Either your child or someone your child/children knows will be bullied. Talk to them about how to handle the situation, even if they see someone else being bullied. Their friend may be too scared to speak up or ask for help. If we educate them on bullying, appropriate/inappropriate behavior, this is how they will learn. I think it all goes back to this,  

Do to others as you would have them do to you. 
Luke 6:31

I hope this activity inspires you to talk to your child/children about bullying. Education is key and it starts at home! God Bless!

May: Mental Health Awareness

April was Autism Awareness Month which is very near and dear to my heart, our son has Autism...so spreading awareness is very important to me. Although April is over doesn't mean spreading Autism Awareness stops! For a parent who has a child with Autism, we ALWAYS spread awareness and educate others any chance we get.

Now May is upon us and that brings National Mental Health Awareness Month which is also very important to me. I think the only thing harder than having a child with Autism is me having Bipolar Disorder. I honestly wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. I would however love it if some could live a day or two, maybe a week in our (those like me) shoes and see how hard it is living with a mental illness. Especially those who keep the stigma going. I've been told by some of those closest to me to get over it, that I'm crazy, that it's all in my head and I haven't had the best support system. Having a mental illness and very little support makes things extremely difficult, but I keep on keepin' on and thank God for those who do have my back.

I can remember being a child and getting so angry, screaming, throwing things and well....raging. Not understanding why I acted that way. Wishing I could make it stop, but didn't know how. It was hard then and it's hard now to explain something that's going on in my head that I don't even understand myself. Having a mental illness is very isolating, lonely, confusing, hard, tiresome, frustrating, worrisome, dark and depressing.

I never know what the day will hold when I wake up. Yeah, I know...even someone without a mental illness doesn't know what the day holds. But, it's a bit different for me. Will I be manic and giggling about every thing and feeling like I'm on top of the world? Will I be full of nearly impossible ideas, bouncing from one room to another? Will I wake up and cry about every little thing and confuse those around me as to why I'm even crying? Leave myself confused as to why I'm crying? Crying and praying that God will just make it stop.

It's hard. Plain and simple.
Growing up I always battled depression due to the death of my father and other circumstances, along with anxiety. But it wasn't until 2008 that I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder. The diagnosis honestly wasn't a surprise to me, I had suspected for quite some time. At first I was afraid to tell people because I didn't want to be labeled, you know...as crazy. I finally came to the realization that people would judge you and label you regardless, so you might as well be honest about your illness. And who knows....me sharing may help someone else, help them realize they aren't alone. If I've helped or brought comfort to even just one person out there, all the suffering I have felt and will continue to feel throughout my years is worth it. I wanted to show my support and show that I wasn't ashamed of having a mental illness.

The green ribbon stands for Mental Health Awareness. So anytime someone says, "what's the green ribbon mean?" I have the opportunity to educate them on mental health.

I think for most of us who have been diagnosed, we face the challenge of being labeled. We do not like being referred to as crazy, insane or psycho. While there are some who refuse to take medication or suddenly stop taking their medication, not all of us are like that (and yes, there are some cases that can get by without meds). A lot of us want help, we want to be understood and we want to be accepted for who we are. Bipolar Disorder doesn't define us but it is a part of who we are. It's an illness just like any other illness, although some don't acknowledge it's an illness. Unfortunately, there are some who don't believe in it. Those people make it harder for us, but I try to ignore them. I've found that people are scared of what they don't know about. So again, I help educate others. There is a lot that doctors do not know about Bipolar Disorder, most do believe it is genetic. I feel comfortable in speaking for everyone who has any type of mental illness, we just want to break the stigma. We must help educate others on mental illnesses just like we educate others on Autism, Cancer etc...

And please, stop saying things like "I'm having a Bipolar day," I can assure you, that's not a day you want to have. If you wouldn't walk around saying "Man....I'm having a Cancer day" or "man, I feel so Autistic today", then you certainly shouldn't walk around saying you're having a Bipolar day. Period. People like that and comments like that keep the stigma going. The stigma people like me are trying to END.


*Mental Illness affects 1 in 4 or nearly 60 million Americans every year.
*More than 10 million Americans have Bipolar Disorder. Because of it's irregular patterns Bipolar Disorder is often hard to diagnose.
*When one parent has Bipolar Disorder, the risk that his or her child will have Bipolar Disorder is 15% to 30%
*Since doctors do not know an exact cause of Bipolar Disorder, most people will go as long as 10 years before being diagnosed.
*Hundreds of research studies have been done on the brain and the brain’s neurochemistry, not a single one has implicated a single source or cause of any mental disorder. In other words, it’s far more complicated than you know.
*A common myth about people with a mental illness, that they are more violent than the general population. False. The vast majority of people who commit crimes do not suffer from a mental illness.
*Depression is characterized by sustained sadness and loss of interest along with psychological, behavioral and physical symptoms. It is ranked as the leading cause of disability worldwide.
* Stigma about mental disorders and discrimination against patients and families prevent people from seeking mental health care.
* The link between mental illness and violence are promoted by the entertainment and news media. Look at tv shows/movies, some characters are portrayed as having a mental illness and are depicted as dangerous. This gives society the impression that if you have a mental illness you are dangerous, violent and more prone to murdering.
Here is a Mental Illness Fact Sheet

I could write for hours about myths and facts about mental illnesses. Some advice to you all...avoid labeling people with mental illnesses. Learn the facts about mental health and help spread the word, do some research. Treat people with a mental illness with respect, just as you would any other person. Do not discriminate against people with a mental illness. We have feelings just like you.

If you know someone who has any type of mental illness, I won't lie to you, it's going to be hard. But the greatest thing you can do for someone is be there for them. We need a SUPPORT SYSTEM not to be, well...disowned.  If you don't know how to be there for them, RESEARCH. Get online and find a support group. Battling a mental illness is very hard, but it's even harder when you are doing it on your own.

For more on Mental Illnesses click here. Thank you for taking the time to read this. It's very important that we educate the public on all illnesses any chance we get. So please read and share with others!

April: Sexual Assault Awareness Month

April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month

I want to tell you a story about a girl who didn't have the voice to say no. This story is based on true events and the purpose of this story is to not gain sympathy, but to help raise awareness. This story is told with as much details as remembered.

When she was in high school, she like :most: teens, hit her wild streak. Her wild streak included "popping pills" and getting "plastered" as many would call it. Now, I believe that deep down there is a reason that someone chooses that kind of path. For her, it was self medicating. She had a painful past that weighed her down and getting "messed up" and "wasted" was her way of escaping.

One night she heard about a "backwoods party" going down and knew she had to go. I mean after all, that meant hanging out with friends and indulging in her favorites...booze and pills.
*Backwoods party = out in the middle of nowhere, completely surrounded by woods and partying around a large bonfire.

She doesn't remember what she drank or how much she drank. She doesn't remember what pills she took or how many she took. She just remembers being, well entirely too messed up, most of the night was just a big blur. She remembers laughing with her friends and talking about who knows what.

Now, anyone who has ever drank large amounts of anything knows that with that comes the frequent urge to pee. Ah, but remember she was in the middle of nowhere...which left her the woods to pee in. She looked around and decided to make her way over to the cars. She thought if she went in the woods right beside the cars, nobody would see her. Seems like a good plan, right?

Because she was so intoxicated, after she was done she was finding it difficult to get her pants to cooperate. Trying to get them pulled up and zipped. So there she is, trying to pull her pants up and the next thing she knows she's laying on the ground.

Her mind is so foggy and she's so messed up, she briefly thinks she fell down trying to get her pants to cooperate. Moving her head side to side, in a slow shaking of the head manner, she's thinking to herself she needs to stand up. It just wasn't that simple though. It's hard to stand up when you have the weight of another person laying on top of you.

Wait, what? Rewind. It seems while she was trying to get her pants pulled up after peeing, some guy saw that as his opportunity to make his move. A consensual move? No, no not at all.
So there she is laying in the woods, so messed up it's as if she's paralyzed. Weighed down by approximately 170 ish pounds, she can't move. She remembers hearing a slurring (he was drunk) of "ah, doesn't that feel good baby?" So out of it from that booze and those pills she loved so much, she couldn't even form words to respond back. She could hear herself saying "NO!" and "STOP! GET OFF OF ME!" in her head, but the words couldn't seem to escape her lips.

She doesn't know how long he was on top of her, having his way with her. But eventually he murmured something to her, kissed her, got up, walked away and left her laying there. She stumbled to her feet, trying again to pull her pants up. Stumbling out in front of people, when finally someone helped her pull up her pants. She didn't speak a word about what had just happened.

In fact, she never told anyone. Who would believe a drunk girl anyway? For ten years she kept it a secret, pretended it never happened. And like most events that take place in our lives, occasionally a memory will surface and we'll begin to think about it.  After ten years, for whatever reason a memory did surface and it was time to face what had happened.

She blamed herself. She kept telling herself "if you weren't so messed up, you could have defended yourself or cried out for help." While dealing with the stages of grief that come from being raped, she began to come to terms with what had happened wasn't her fault. Being plastered doesn't give consent.

Why am I telling you this story? April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month. We live in a society that is teaching "DON'T GET RAPED" instead of teaching "DON'T RAPE."

It doesn't matter if you are the "messed up, plastered" girl at the party or if you are walking home from the store...RAPE can happen anywhere, at anytime. There is no justification for rape.

The following are common Rape Myths:
It's not rape if:
    they're dating
    there was no force/violence involved
    she didn't fight it
    she went home with him
    she wasn't aware of what was happening
    she said no but really meant yes
    she's a prostitute

She wouldn't have been raped if she wasn't:
    drinking alcohol/doing drugs
    wearing tight/sexy clothing
    leading him on
    slutty/a bad girl/sleeping around
    asking for it
    young and attractive
    in the wrong place at the wrong time

FACTS about Rape:
1 in 5 women are raped in their lifetime in the United States
1 in 71 men are raped in their lifetime in the United States (yes, men can be raped too)
Every 2 minutes, another person is sexually assaulted
60% of sexual assaults are not reported to police
Approximately 2/3 of assaults are committed by someone known to the victim.
38% of rapists are a friend or acquaintance
79.6% of female rape victims were under the age of 25 when the incident occurred
42% had been raped before the age of 18

Out of every 100 rapes:
40 Get reported to the police
10 Lead to an arrest
8 Get Prosecuted
4 Lead to a felony conviction
3 Rapists will spend even a single day in prison
The other 97 WILL WALK FREE

What is Sexual Assault?
Sexual assault is a term that refers to unwanted sexual act against or without a person’s consent. This type of assault encompasses more than violent physical incidents—sexual assault refers to any sexual, physical, verbal or visual act that forces a person against their will to join in unwanted sexual contact or attention.

What is Rape?
Rape is forced sexual intercourse, including vaginal, anal or oral penetration. Penetration may be by a body part or an object. It is defined as any completed or attempted unwanted vaginal, oral or anal penetration through the use of physical force (such as being pinned or held down, or by the use of violence) or threats to physically harm. Incidents of rape also occur when a survivor unable to consent because she or he is impaired by drugs and/or alcohol, or passed out.

Why am I sharing this story with you? This is my story. I am breaking my silence and I'm speaking out. I may have been a victim that night, but more importantly I am a SURVIVOR. Sharing my story is hard and just proof reading this to publish it gives me horrible anxiety...but I feel it's something I need to do, a part of the healing process. I also want to help raise awareness about Sexual Assault. One of my biggest fears about sharing this story is the negative comments that may come with it. Sadly, a lot of our society believes rape can be justified, for example "she wouldn't have been raped had she not been so messed up." There's no way of knowing that. Society also has this view of "she wouldn't have been raped had she not been wearing those tight and revealing clothes." The night I was raped, I was wearing blue jeans, t-shirt, a hoodie and tennis shoes. Yeah, that seems like inappropriate clothing. I hate that society thinks that way, so I'm bracing myself for those comments.

I can't go back to that night and change what happened. Would I have been raped had I not been under the influence? There's no way of knowing. But I'm not going to blame myself anymore for what happened. What happened wasn't my fault, it was his. He saw a girl who was alone and under the influence and decided to act on it.

I've been through a lot in my life. Everyone has a story and this is just a part of mine. But if me sharing my story has helped someone in some sort of way or has raised just an ounce of awareness, then sharing was worth it. Sometimes it can be very hard for us to share our pain with others because we don't want to face it or don't want to seem weak. I'll be honest, it was hard for me to share this. But like I said, I feel it's something I need to do.

April: Autism Awareness Month

April is Autism Awareness Month.

What is Autism?  Autism spectrum disorder (ASD) and autism are both general terms for a group of complex disorders of brain development. These disorders are characterized, in varying degrees, by difficulties in social interaction, verbal and nonverbal communication and repetitive behaviors. They include autistic disorder, Rett syndrome, childhood disintegrative disorder, pervasive developmental disorder-not otherwise specified (PDD-NOS) and Asperger syndrome. ASD can be associated with intellectual disability, difficulties in motor coordination and attention and physical health issues such as sleep and gastrointestinal disturbances.

Autism Speaks reports: 

Autism now affects 1 in 68 children and 1 in 42 boys
Autism prevalence figures are growing
Autism is the fastest-growing serious developmental disability in the U.S.
Autism costs a family $60,000 a year on average
Autism receives less than 5% of the research funding of many less prevalent childhood diseases
Boys are nearly five times more likely than girls to have autism
There is no medical detection or cure for autism

My son Ronnie was diagnosed with PDD-NOS (pervasive developmental disorder - not otherwise specified) March 14, 2013. Which basically means that he is on the Autism spectrum but doesn't fully meet all of the criteria. It was a diagnosis that my husband and I were expecting and it was great to finally have some answers. Autism doesn't define who my child is, it's just a part of who he is. I love my little guy more than anything in this world and he is perfect the way he is. Sure we have our good days and our not so good days. It can be extremely stressful, exhausting and challenging. But you know what, I've come to accept that he has his challenges and I LOVE watching him conquer new goals. He is who GOD created him to be and that's fine by me. 

Now picture this if you will. You are out shopping or out to eat. You see/hear a child screaming/crying. One typically thinks "oh their just throwing a fit because they aren't getting their way." Or you see a child running around acting crazy hyper and you think "that parent has loaded them up on candy and other sugary items." I'll be honest, I've thought that before. But since we knew something was going on with our son and he started doing OT and now we have a diagnosis, I view it completely differently now. I take a step back and think, "maybe this child is having a sensory overload and this is the only way he/she can process it/handle it." Or that hyper child might be dealing with a sensory overload in a different way, instead of melting down they could also become overwhelmed but react in a different way. (My son experiences both ways, just depends on the situation) I no longer look at it as "that child isn't getting their way or that child is loaded up on sugar." It kind of goes hand in hand with that famous quote "Never judge a book by its cover." And honestly, it's really not my place or your place to determine what is wrong with that child, especially if you do not know them or their situation. You truly never know when there may be something more going on. So instead of gawking, whispering, rolling your eyes, saying hateful things and getting annoyed...offer a bit of encouragement. Even if it's simply looking at the parent/parents and giving them a heartfelt smile. You have no idea how much that might make their day. 

It is my job as a parent to protect my son, to help my son and I'm his biggest advocate! I always will be. He's my whole world and I'm so proud to be his Momma. I'm helping Spread Autism Awareness for my baby boy!!  

Information collected from autismspeaks.org