I want to tell you a story about a girl who didn't have the voice to say no. This story is based on true events and the purpose of this story is to not gain sympathy, but to help raise awareness. This story is told with as much details as remembered.
When she was in high school, she like :most: teens, hit her wild streak. Her wild streak included "popping pills" and getting "plastered" as many would call it. Now, I believe that deep down there is a reason that someone chooses that kind of path. For her, it was self medicating. She had a painful past that weighed her down and getting "messed up" and "wasted" was her way of escaping.
One night she heard about a "backwoods party" going down and knew she had to go. I mean after all, that meant hanging out with friends and indulging in her favorites...booze and pills.
*Backwoods party = out in the middle of nowhere, completely surrounded by woods and partying around a large bonfire.
She doesn't remember what she drank or how much she drank. She doesn't remember what pills she took or how many she took. She just remembers being, well entirely too messed up, most of the night was just a big blur. She remembers laughing with her friends and talking about who knows what.
Now, anyone who has ever drank large amounts of anything knows that with that comes the frequent urge to pee. Ah, but remember she was in the middle of nowhere...which left her the woods to pee in. She looked around and decided to make her way over to the cars. She thought if she went in the woods right beside the cars, nobody would see her. Seems like a good plan, right?
Because she was so intoxicated, after she was done she was finding it difficult to get her pants to cooperate. Trying to get them pulled up and zipped. So there she is, trying to pull her pants up and the next thing she knows she's laying on the ground.
Her mind is so foggy and she's so messed up, she briefly thinks she fell down trying to get her pants to cooperate. Moving her head side to side, in a slow shaking of the head manner, she's thinking to herself she needs to stand up. It just wasn't that simple though. It's hard to stand up when you have the weight of another person laying on top of you.
Wait, what? Rewind. It seems while she was trying to get her pants pulled up after peeing, some guy saw that as his opportunity to make his move. A consensual move? No, no not at all.
So there she is laying in the woods, so messed up it's as if she's paralyzed. Weighed down by approximately 170 ish pounds, she can't move. She remembers hearing a slurring (he was drunk) of "ah, doesn't that feel good baby?" So out of it from that booze and those pills she loved so much, she couldn't even form words to respond back. She could hear herself saying "NO!" and "STOP! GET OFF OF ME!" in her head, but the words couldn't seem to escape her lips.
She doesn't know how long he was on top of her, having his way with her. But eventually he murmured something to her, kissed her, got up, walked away and left her laying there. She stumbled to her feet, trying again to pull her pants up. Stumbling out in front of people, when finally someone helped her pull up her pants. She didn't speak a word about what had just happened.
In fact, she never told anyone. Who would believe a drunk girl anyway? For ten years she kept it a secret, pretended it never happened. And like most events that take place in our lives, occasionally a memory will surface and we'll begin to think about it. After ten years, for whatever reason a memory did surface and it was time to face what had happened.
She blamed herself. She kept telling herself "if you weren't so messed up, you could have defended yourself or cried out for help." While dealing with the stages of grief that come from being raped, she began to come to terms with what had happened wasn't her fault. Being plastered doesn't give consent.
Why am I telling you this story? April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month. We live in a society that is teaching "DON'T GET RAPED" instead of teaching "DON'T RAPE."
It doesn't matter if you are the "messed up, plastered" girl at the party or if you are walking home from the store...RAPE can happen anywhere, at anytime. There is no justification for rape.
The following are common Rape Myths:
It's not rape if:
they're dating
there was no force/violence involved
she didn't fight it
she went home with him
she wasn't aware of what was happening
she said no but really meant yes
she's a prostitute
She wouldn't have been raped if she wasn't:
drinking alcohol/doing drugs
wearing tight/sexy clothing
leading him on
slutty/a bad girl/sleeping around
asking for it
young and attractive
in the wrong place at the wrong time
FACTS about Rape:
1 in 5 women are raped in their lifetime in the United States
1 in 71 men are raped in their lifetime in the United States (yes, men can be raped too)
Every 2 minutes, another person is sexually assaulted
60% of sexual assaults are not reported to police
Approximately 2/3 of assaults are committed by someone known to the victim.
38% of rapists are a friend or acquaintance
79.6% of female rape victims were under the age of 25 when the incident occurred
42% had been raped before the age of 18
Out of every 100 rapes:
40 Get reported to the police
10 Lead to an arrest
8 Get Prosecuted
4 Lead to a felony conviction
3 Rapists will spend even a single day in prison
The other 97 WILL WALK FREE
What is Sexual Assault?
Sexual assault is a term that refers to unwanted sexual act against or without a person’s consent. This type of assault encompasses more than violent physical incidents—sexual assault refers to any sexual, physical, verbal or visual act that forces a person against their will to join in unwanted sexual contact or attention.
What is Rape?
Rape is forced sexual intercourse, including vaginal, anal or oral penetration. Penetration may be by a body part or an object. It is defined as any completed or attempted unwanted vaginal, oral or anal penetration through the use of physical force (such as being pinned or held down, or by the use of violence) or threats to physically harm. Incidents of rape also occur when a survivor unable to consent because she or he is impaired by drugs and/or alcohol, or passed out.
Why am I sharing this story with you? This is my story. I am breaking my silence and I'm speaking out. I may have been a victim that night, but more importantly I am a SURVIVOR. Sharing my story is hard and just proof reading this to publish it gives me horrible anxiety...but I feel it's something I need to do, a part of the healing process. I also want to help raise awareness about Sexual Assault. One of my biggest fears about sharing this story is the negative comments that may come with it. Sadly, a lot of our society believes rape can be justified, for example "she wouldn't have been raped had she not been so messed up." There's no way of knowing that. Society also has this view of "she wouldn't have been raped had she not been wearing those tight and revealing clothes." The night I was raped, I was wearing blue jeans, t-shirt, a hoodie and tennis shoes. Yeah, that seems like inappropriate clothing. I hate that society thinks that way, so I'm bracing myself for those comments.
I can't go back to that night and change what happened. Would I have been raped had I not been under the influence? There's no way of knowing. But I'm not going to blame myself anymore for what happened. What happened wasn't my fault, it was his. He saw a girl who was alone and under the influence and decided to act on it.
I've been through a lot in my life. Everyone has a story and this is just a part of mine. But if me sharing my story has helped someone in some sort of way or has raised just an ounce of awareness, then sharing was worth it. Sometimes it can be very hard for us to share our pain with others because we don't want to face it or don't want to seem weak. I'll be honest, it was hard for me to share this. But like I said, I feel it's something I need to do.
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